30-year-old finds out fiancé took out $15000 loan in secret, considers postponing the wedding: 'He lied to my face for half a year'

In relationships, the big topics have to be approached with honesty. 

While the occasional white lie about the little things isn't as likely to cause a major issue, it is absolutely imperative that couples are transparent when it comes to anything life-changing, like having kids, staying loyal, and how their finances are looking. When it comes down to it, a relationship is about partnership, and with that comes the obligation to share opinions and problems so two people can work together as a team to make both of their lives better. 

Nevertheless, it is very common for people to keep secrets from their significant others about things that they should be open about if they value their relationship. With money in particular, any struggles or mistakes that are kept under wraps have the potential to cause big issues for both people in a couple if they are not handled with the care that is needed.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • a man sits at a kitchen table, looking upset at a letter; a woman holding a mug looks over his shouder
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • The combination of financial issues and a secrecy that feels undeserved can be a potent mixture for adding fuel to the fire of relationship issues. It is not uncommon for it to be a major factor in breakups. In this story, one woman felt betrayed by her fiancé after she found out that he had taken a $15,000 personal loan while they were in the middle of planning their wedding.

    The woman only found out about this when she saw a missed call from a bank she didn't recognize on their phone plan. Her partner admitted he had taken the loan to pay off old credit card debt, but was already struggling with repayments.

    She was shaken by this revelation, not least because the pair had supposedly been committed to saving together for their future wedding and a house down payment. With her fiancé apologizing profusely, she wondered if it was an overreaction to demand that they postpone their nuptials.

  • My fiancé secretly took out a loan behind my back, and now we’re drowning in debt before our wedding.

    I (30F) just found out that my fiancé (31M) took out a $15,000 personal loan without telling me and he did it six months ago. We've been together for five years, engaged for one, and our wedding is in eight months.
    via VelourStarzz
  • We'd been saving together carefully, building a fund for our wedding, honeymoon, and eventually a down payment for a house. I handle most of our finances budgeting, bills, etc. and he handles extra savings and investments. I thought we were on the same page.
    via VelourStarzz
  • This weekend, I noticed a missed call from a bank I didn't recognize on our shared phone plan. When I asked him about it, he froze, then finally confessed everything. Turns out, he took out a $15k loan "to pay off some old credit card debt" but he's only paid a few hundred back and has been struggling to keep up with the monthly payments. He said he didn't tell me because he "didn't want to ruin our wedding planning with stress."
    via VelourStarzz
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  • a man sits at a kitchen table and looks into the distance, a woman standing behind him and holding his arm
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I'm not even angry about the money as much as the secrecy. We've always prided ourselves on being honest with each other, and he lied to my face for half a year while we were literally talking about financial transparency for marriage prep.
    via VelourStarzz
  • He's apologized over and over, saying he was embarrassed and thought he could fix it before I found out. I made him promise to meet with a financial advisor and start therapy because I'm terrified this will spiral. But I'm struggling if he could hide this, what else could he hide later?
    via VelourStarzz
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  • I love him more than anything, but I'm scared. I don't want to start a marriage built on financial lies. My friends would tell me to call it off, but my heart doesn't want to believe it's over.
    via VelourStarzz
  • AIO for feeling like I can't move forward with our wedding unless he rebuilds my trust even if it means postponing everything?
    via VelourStarzz
  • a man sits at the kitchen table talking on the phone while a woman stands next to him, preparing food
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

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  • People assured her she hadn't had an unreasonable reaction.

    Fluffy-Resident8420 | struggling to keep up with the monthly payments. | Have you actually seen the credit card bills that were paid off? It's almost certain that those payments would have been higher than the personal loan (that's why you get one), but somehow he's struggling to repay it. How was he paying them before?
    via Fluffy-Resident8420
  • Total_Finger1493 I wouldn't be moving forward with a wedding!
    via Total_Finger1493
  • One-Method-4373 Make sure it didn't all go to gambling
    via One-Method-4373
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  • Adelucas If the debt is in his name cancel the wedding and dump him. This is serious and could ruin you. The moment that ring goes on your finger that debt becomes your problem. You will be spending the next 5+ years scrimping to pay it off. It's worrying that he says he used it to pay off old credit card debt but is struggling to pay the loan. I did something similar for half that amount and actually saved myself 400 a month in CC payments. something about this smells bad.
    via Adelucas
  • Check your own credit to make sure he didn't use your details for the loan. If he did you'll have to report him and let the police and credit agencies deal with it. Throwing him under the bus is the only way to clear your credit.
    via Adelucas
  • I'm serious about cancelling the wedding and dumping him. My friend found out shortly after her wedding that her husband had a gambling addiction and was hiding thousands of pounds of debt. She was able to get the marriage annulled, and he went bankrupt. She was protected as she got it annulled very quickly after the wedding, but if she had waited and got divorced she'd have had to pony up for half the debt.
    via Adelucas
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  • Better some lost deposits than years of paying a debt you didn't agree to or know about.
    via Adelucas
  • cherryjane8 If he can lie about this, he can lie about anything.
    via cherryjane8
  • Beginning _Dream_6020 its called financial infidelity and it's just as dangerous as physical infidelity. don't ignore it or downplay it. behaviour like this can wreck your life. he has to come clean with everything - amounts, situations – right away, and if there's anything he tries to hide, or that comes out later (trickle- truthing) you had better run.
    via Beginning_Dream_6020
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  • delay the wedding until you are sure he's been 100% honest with you.
    via Beginning_Dream_6020
  • Motchiko He paid off old credit cards loans with loaned money from the bank- for what? What did he buy? Better dig deeper than that before you marry. Marriage is contract which makes you a financial union and being married to a shopaholic is a nightmare.
    via Motchiko

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